Upgrading to BOYFRIEND 4.0

Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 3.1 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 1.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0.

They found that is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives.

HUSBAND 1.0 includes plug-ins such as MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS; although market research has clearly shown that they are unnecessary. The upcoming BOYFRIEND 4.0 will change all that.

Created by leading experts in the field and based upon years of research and classroom lectures, it includes the best of the old features, such as the HANDYMAN function, and includes many new functions such as the COMMITMENT feature. Other immature functions, such as BEER GUZZLING and CAT CALLING have been removed, though they can still be found on FRATBOY 1.1.

BOYFRIEND 4.0 will include:

  • An AUTOMATIC REMINDER button and PAY ATTENTION feature (so you don't have to repeat yourself)
  • MINIMIZE button
  • SHUTDOWN feature
  • SHOPPING function
  • A BACK-UP ENERGY SUPPLY, so it won't fall asleep after sex
  • LAUNDRY, COOKING, and HOUSECLEANING functions
  • DIAPER-CHANGING function, for the more advance users
  • SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE, so once it's unistalled it won't come back
  • MONOGAMY feature
  • AUTOMATIC OVERRIDE that kicks in right before they're about to say ANYTHING even remotely stupid.

***** BUG WARNING ******** All previous versions of Boyfriend are unaccessible on Sunday afternoons and Monday nights during the football season. We are trying to rectify this but it seems to be an problem inherent within the programming.