Engineer Speak

Engineer says: A number of different approaches are being tried
Engineer means: We are still grasping at straws

Engineer says: We're working on a fresh approach to the problem
Engineer means: We just hired three kids fresh out of uni

Engineer says: Close project coordination
Engineer means: We know who to blame

Engineer says: Major technological breakthrough
Engineer means: It works OK, but looks very hi-tech

Engineer says: Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured
Engineer means: We are so far behind schedule that the customer is happy to get it delivered

Engineer says: Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive
Engineer means: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch

Engineer says: Test results were extremely gratifying
Engineer means: We are so surprised that the stupid thing works

Engineer says: The entire concept will have to be abandoned
Engineer means: The only person who understood the thing quit

Engineer says: It is in process
Engineer means: It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is hopeless

Engineer says: We'll look into it
Engineer means: Forget it! We have enough problems for now

Engineer says: Please read and initial
Engineer means: Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake

Engineer says: Give us the benefit of your thoughts
Engineer means: We'll listen to what you say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done

Engineer says: Give us your interpretation
Engineer means: I can't wait to hear this!

Engineer says: See me/Let's Discuss
Engineer means: Come into my office, I'm lonely

Engineer says: All new!
Engineer means: Parts not interchangeable with the previous design

Engineer says: Rugged
Engineer means: Too heavy to lift!

Engineer says: Lightweight
Engineer means: Lighter than rugged

Engineer says: Years of development
Engineer means: One finally worked

Engineer says: Energy saving
Engineer means: Achieved when the power switch is off

Engineer says: Low maintenance
Engineer means: Impossible to fix if broken


Contributed by Andrew Merrall, who has used all of these:

Engineer says: Adjusted during testing
Engineer means: We hit it with a hammer

Engineer says: It took some persuasion.
Engineer means: We hit it several times with a hammer.

Engineer says: It must be the fluffer valve.
Engineer means: I have no fucking clue why it stopped working. (or, I have no clue why it started working again... but I'm going to take the credit for it)