When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against that ratbag/bitch.
When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I will know you've finally had sex.
When you are scared, I will kick you up the arse.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to stop whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words.
When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will laugh at your clumsiness. Then help you up.