Subject: FOR ALL YOU BAD SHPELLERZ!
Having chosen English ans the prefered language on the EEC (now officially the European Union,or EU) the European Parliament commisioned a feasibilty study in the ways of improving efficiency in communications between government depts.
European officails have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary and difficult eg:cough plough, rough, through, and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be admistered by a comitee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the commitee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'.Sertainly sivil servants in all the cities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replased by'k' since both letters are pronoused alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of the klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like fotograf twenty persent shorter to print.
In the third year, publik akseptanseof the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possilbe. Governments would enkourage the removal if double letters which have always been a deterant to akurate speling.
We would agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's' in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapened. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem beganand the peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutch as replasing 'th'with 'z'. perhaps zen ze funktion of'w' lould be taken on by 'v', vitch is after al, half a'w'. Shortly after ziz ze unesessary'o kould be droped from words kontaining 'ou'.Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of letters.
Kontinuing zis prses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sesible riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difkultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the guvermn vud finali hav kum tru....