25 Rules for a Better Relationship

Advice which might help you build a healthier relationship:

  1. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
  2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
  3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
  4. Nothing says "I love you" like a blowjob.
  5. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  6. "Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers.
  7. Share the closet.
  8. Share the bathroom.
  9. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.
  10. Your brother is an idiot.
  11. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
  12. You have too many shoes.
  13. You have enough clothes.
  14. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
  15. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
  16. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  17. Dogs are better than cats.
  18. Your cat is not different, its just like every other cat.
  19. He's never thinking about "The Relationship".
  20. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
  21. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  22. Don't make us guess.
  23. Check your oil.
  24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
  25. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.