- Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
- To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
- Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
- Walk sideways to the photocopier.
- While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
- When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
- Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
- Don't use any punctuation.
- Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
- Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
- Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
- Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
- Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
- Every time you get an email, shout EMAIL!
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
- Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Deadpan. If they ask what you said, give your real job title as if that's what you said already.
- Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
- At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
- Walk into someone's office and turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
- For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to - male or female - as "Dave". Unless they really are Dave, in which case call them "Steve"
- Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
- When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, "...and that's when the Police turned up.".
- In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
- Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
- During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
- Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".
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