Rules For Managers
- Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring
it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
- If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire
how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at
- Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance
to be creative when someone asks where you are.
- If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the
door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors
with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all
use of my limbs.
- If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority.
I am psychic.
- Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere
to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
- If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.
- If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in
conversations. I was born to be whipped.
- If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact,
save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
- Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything.
In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later,
my shrewd deductions will identify them.
- Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your
- Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know
someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay
so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
- Don't bother doing your job, just delegate it all to me and "coach" me on time
management skills. I wasn't busy doing my own job, after all.
- Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been.
Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm
not here for the money anyway.
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